I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
