I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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