The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
