All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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