Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize