Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
