So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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