Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
