tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
