my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
