You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
