you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
