I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
