We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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