and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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