I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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