Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
