Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
