You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
