I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
