Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize