should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
