So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
