I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize