i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
