atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
