Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
