**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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