gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
