Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
