the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
