Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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