I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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