She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize