i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
