thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
