dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize