Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
