When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
