There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
