I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
