It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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