I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
