Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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