Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do vagina's smell?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize