After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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