You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
