So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
