this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize