Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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