i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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