sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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