we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
