When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
