You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
