Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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