The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
