Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
