I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
