I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
