Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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