Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
