I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So. Much. Porn.
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