this beer tastes like vomit already
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
