too bad you live with your parents still
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
