apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
