Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize