I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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