we have pet lesbian snakes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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