Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize