i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
