Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
