Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
