The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
