Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
