it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
