Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Life is so much better after having sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize