I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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