he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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