my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we're so committed to being not committed
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
