Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
