do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
