My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
