he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
