is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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