Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Let's paint friendship bongs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
