My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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