Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
