there was a trapeze. enough said
My pussy is not your playground.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
