I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize