my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
